Greeting Card Theology

I spent a small portion of my Labor Day weekend doing something I can't stand - searching for a greeting card. I've never timed myself but innocent trips to the corner drugstore to pick up a card for a friend or family member have turned into what seemed like card-hunting marathons, with me in search of just the right message. I've spent so long in the card aisle on some occasions that I felt like a loiterer.

The reasons for my protracted perusal are due to consideration of style and substance. My maternal grandmother, with whom I spent a good portion of my childhood, was an avid poet. She couldn't stand what she called "sing-song" poetry, the kind with a cadence that sounds more like a nursery rhyme or limerick. I think I inherited her disdain for such verse. Consequently, I search hard for the few cards that don't contain it.

My bigger beef with so much of what is offered by way of greeting card fare is with the messages themselves, at least in the case of those cards intended to convey a serious thought. (Finding humorous cards is much easier though I must confess those that evoke the greatest laughter from me would be inappropriate to give to anyone except a few of my closest friends.) So many of the messages are so saccharine-sweet and syrupy that there ought to be legislation requiring stores to provide barf bags in the card aisle. Cards related to marriage (for newlyweds, anniversaries, Mother's and Father's Day from a spouse) are some of the worst offenders. Countless times I've stood in a store, reading a card and thinking to myself, "I can't give this to my wife. She'll see right through it!"

Many times I've felt guilty, wondering if something was wrong with me because my feelings don't match the ebullient expressions of bliss printed in practically every card. If this is normative of the marital experience, then perhaps I (and, let me be quick to add, my wife) married the wrong person. I felt a wave of relief when, a few days ago, I mentioned my thoughts on this topic to a friend in a solid marriage of 45 years who said that when looking for a card for her dearly loved husband, even she occasionally wonders why there is such a disparity between her experience and the sentiments expressed in most cards. Her conclusion, with which I wholeheartedly agree, is that the thoughts conveyed in most marriage-related cards are unrealistic.

I expect such froth from secular card manufacturers but what I find so tragic is that cards produced by Christian companies contain just as many romanticized notions of marital love. Usually, the only difference is that they throw in references to "prayer," "God," and sometimes, "Jesus." If anyone is to offer a realistic rendering of marriage it should be those who claim to believe and build their lives on God's special revelation but sadly, this is rarely the case, at least from my limited experience. When it comes to marriage, Christian cards are strong on the doctrine of creation, affirming that the institution is God's plan. They are woefully lacking, however, in acknowledging the fall and its obliteration of Edenic relationships. Consequently, the Lord's redemptive purpose in the lives of sinful yet redeemed men and women is rarely mentioned.

Last weekend, while in search of a card for friends recently married, I read numerous cards assuring the newly married couple that the sender was praying for a life of "happiness and blessing" for them as though there were no higher purpose for their union. I've not yet seen a card that said something like "Praying that you will be receptive to the ways the Lord will use you to perfect holiness in each other's lives" or "Praying that you will endure in fidelity to Christ and each other through the joys and trials you will share." These are the kinds of prayers marriages need. I know that when newlyweds are ripping envelopes open and collecting checks, they may not be all that attentive to what's printed in a card anyway, but with all the myths surrounding marriage, shouldn't we look for every opportunity to keep a true vision before each other's eyes? In doing so, we contend against lies and misconceptions that lead to much unnecessary disappointment and disillusionment.

The Christian greeting card industry would do well to imitate the kind of authenticity expressed in the lyrics of a Sara Groves tune called "Roll to the Middle," a beautiful expression of marital love and commitment even on the heels of heated argument. Here are the words:

We just had a World War III here in our kitchen
We both thought the meanest things
And then we both said them
We shot at each other till we lost ammunition

This is how I know our love
This is when I feel it’s power
Here in the absence of it
This is my darkest hour
When both of us are hunkered down
And waiting for the truce

All the complicated wars
They end pretty simple
Here when the lights go down
We roll to the middle


No matter how my pride resists
No matter how this wall feels true
No matter how I can'’t be sure
That you're gonna roll in too
No matter what, no matter what
I'm going to reach for you

I think I'm going to send a "Get Well Soon" card to some Christian card companies.

Sara Groves: A Thoughtful Christian Singer

Remember in Toy Story 2 when Jessie reminisced about once being loved by a little girl who eventually grew up and forgot about her? The song that accompanied that moving scene (I admit it. I brushed a tear or two away), "When She Loved Me," was performed by Sarah McLachlan, a singer of whom I had been previously unaware. I fell in love with her voice. Why am I bothering to tell you this? Because when I first heard Sara Groves, the very talented Christian singer and songwriter, she reminded me of Sara McLachlan, a comparison that others have noted as well. That was the first thing that caught my attention.

More important than her vocal quality, however, are her down to earth yet God-focused lyrics wedded to great music. C. S. Lewis once wrote about prayer that we must bring before God what is in us, not what ought to be in us. Sara writes honest songs about what's in us as we seek to become what we ought to be - songs about fighting with our spouses, worrying about our children, questioning God's goodness, and convincing ourselves that we need more stuff. Throughout, she points to God's trustworthy promises to complete what He has begun and thereby stirs gospel-rooted hope, gratitude, and praise.

Her appreciation for the past is evidenced by her creative blending of classic hymns with contemporary style as in one of my favorites, "He's Always Been Faithful." Dr. David Larsen, a former professor of mine, recently described the mindset of many young Christians as: "What's old is mould and what's new is true." Thankfully, such a charge doesn't stick to Groves. In an article for Relevant Magazine she wrote:

I'm just wondering, if we can't keep up, maybe we're not supposed to. I?m not saying the church should settle in for years and years of "this is how we do it, so there", but I wonder what would happen if we quit focusing on the new and focused on the true. There is capital "T" Truth to be found in the old and the new. The old and new can co-exist, and I believe that the church is where that should happen the most. Our churches should reflect the body of Christ, who in its intended form operates like a healthy family. Elders should mentor the young, youth inspire the old, and all of us should build each other up in the faith. (Ephesians 4).

Sara Groves is fresh on my mind because two days ago I had the joy of attending a concert sponsored by Trinity International University and Food for the Hungry (Sara has been sponsoring a child since her college days). Her talent, along with that of her husband Troy and the other members of her band, was captivating. And the expressions of her love for Jesus, sung and spoken, were convicting, encouraging, and edifying. I was so glad my children could share that experience with me. This was their first real concert and they were champions! They listened attentively, especially when Sara told stories about her children. I wondered what was going on in their young minds as they listened to this lady singing what my son affectionately calls "God songs" and caught their dad wiping tears from his eyes with a smile on his face. I pray that in God's providence that night will be link in a chain that will one day lead them to make music in their hearts to God because they are trusting His Son.


If you're not familiar with Sara Groves, I encourage you to check out her website where you can find out more about her, hear some of her music, and find articles about "music, culture, and worthy causes."